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A Change In ME
About a month ago, I decided to stop having sex and just work on me. Get myself together, get my goals in check and work on being a better Bianca. It hasn’t been easy. I’ve stopped talking to a lot of guys and I really do want to become a better person in God’s eyes. The guy I had been sleeping with for a year and a half, the guy who made me cry endlessly and was selfish about a lot of things, I cut him off for a little while. Although we are still friends due to the fact that we’re in a marketing group together, it has felt so freaking good not being “that girl” for him. He’s not a horrible person, he just did a lot of things that I didn’t deserve to deal with.
It’s like, I don’t want to be the girl that feels like her body matters more than her soul. I’ve been that girl for so long and I’m just tired. I mean a lot to Jesus. He died for my sins and still loves me for who I am. I know that my life has a greater purpose than I realize and I want to live up to it. I am now talking to another guy and one of the first things I asked him was if he went to church. He said he kind of does and although that wasn’t the answer I was looking for, it’s a start. He has a relationship with God. I’m not the strongest when it comes to my faith but I want to work on that so badly.
I want a Godly man. Someone I can worship Christ with and someone who can be a great father to my children and teach about the word of Jesus Christ. But if my faith isn’t strong, how can I ask a man to do and be all of those things? And because of that, I will start by working on myself. I’m approaching 20 and I am at a point in life where the childish games must stop. Marriage will soon be knocking on our doors and I know that I am not looking to be stuck in an unholy marriage where God is not in the center. That is NOT in my life’s plans.
“Everyone wants to fall in love. But I think more people are in love with the theory of love. If you’re looking in from the outside, it looks so beautiful. On the inside, it’s scary because it can take over your life. It’s the strongest emotion but also the darkest. It can put you on a high for days, but it can wrap an anchor around your feet and drown you in less than a minute.”
– Calia Read, Breaking the Wrong (via thekendrafeed)
19. New Yorker turned Southern Belle. College Sophomore @ Georgia State University. Funny Smart Sexy Cool. I Adore Bruno Mars, Chris Brown, & Melanie Fiona. Anything Else You Wanna Know ? Ask Me =)
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